A Superhero the Size of An Insect

As I'm sure you've heard, le 12th movie in the Marvel Cinematic Universe premiered this weekend. Yes, that would be...

Let's just say, Ant-Man is an extremely amusing ride, and most definitely not your usual superhero movie.  And, for the most part, its completely un-self-righteous style works well... I mean, the critics are practically drooling over the movie for it's inventiveness and ability to sell a guy who shrinks down to the size of an ant.  However, it didn't make me want to go back for more.  Let's break down the reasons for why I didn't come away from Ant-Man gushing about how awesome it was (and gushing is the norm for me when it comes to Marvel movies, in case you didn't know.)

Minor, vague spoiler-y stuff ahead, just to give you a heads up. Nothing movie-ruining, I promise. ;)

Con 1: Lack of conflict/suspense. When I put up that spoiler-warning, I was wondering why I felt like I didn't need it.  Well, here's the thing -- Ant-Man has no really significant drama that compels the viewer.  There're no times when you're truly wondering, "What's going to happen?" (Except once, when something really crazy bad happens to Scott). But mostly, Scott Lang (aka Ant-Man) saves the day by saving his reputation as a father and successfully infiltrating Pym Technologies and then defeating Darren Cross (aka Yellow Jacket), with a lot of laughter along the way. This all makes for a lot of fun, but is truly not memorable. Whether this is a problem or not may just be dictated personal preference -- but I, for one, prefer movies that inspire me and leave me awestruck. Empty entertainment doesn't suit me very well.

Con 2: In the words of Steve Rogers...

Besides [most likely] being the heaviest and hardest cuss-laden of all the MCU movies, the language featured only serves, many times, as a device for humor -- and, in the process, cheapens those laughs. See, not only was it hardly necessary to throw in those s or d words, but they drug our characters down to such low levels of respect for themselves and others that I almost felt bad rooting for them. That's the thing: curses are cheap, inexcusable alternatives to actual, intellectual thought. Call me what you like. but that's the truth and I stand by it.

Con 3: Paul Rudd. I feel absolutely terrible saying this. I promise it's nothing personal, Paul, I promise. It's gotta be said though: Basically, I don't think our Ant-Man has a confident enough personality to frontline his own movie. He felt, to me, a bit underwhelming. So often he played like a secondary character to Evangeline Lilly, Michael Douglas, or even Michael Pena's characters, and this left me unconvinced Paul was the right guy for the job as a superhero. The "star power" that we've all seen in Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Scarlett Johansson... even the newest member of our MCU cast, Tom Holland shows it in his dubsmash videos -- well, I just didn't see that star-power in Scott Lang, and the movie suffered for it.

WELL. Now that I've so cruelly picked apart this little movie, allow me to show you the positives of it; the aspects of it which I thoroughly enjoyed.

Pro 1: The shrink-y grow-y fight sequences. Just uber cool, and nothing like anything we've ever seen before. Plus, all the hilarity that goes with. Dog-sized ants are super scary, as is train-sized Thomas the Tank Engine. Also... *coughcoughcough*you who have seen the movie know that particular scene I'm talking about with that particular awesome avenging person*coughcough*

Pro 2: The soundtrack. It's just a blast, particularly the "Ant-Man" theme...

LOVING the theme from Ant-Man by @CBeckOfficial. Just the right mix of fun and cool. Cannot wait to hear the rest. https://t.co/fWN3qXP45w

— Beth P. (@AnElvenPrincess) July 13, 2015

If you look at the one retweet... Yes, that would be the writer of Ant-Man's soundtrack who retweeted me. I thought that was a little bit awesome... :D

Pro 3: The ants. Who would've thought that ants could be a highlight of a movie??? Not me. But they were. The different kinds were so cool to see, using all their special abilities to help Ant-Man. Also, rest in peace, Antony. We loved you. Next time I find a winged carpenter ant I will name him after you. *sniff.*

Bonus Pro: SpiderMan reference. "We've got ones that jump, we've got ones that swing, we've got ones that climb up walls..." If that ain't SpiderMan, I don't know what is. #yesssss

WATCH OUT FOR BIG IMPORTANT SPOILERS BELOW ABOUT END CREDIT SCENES.

I chose the poster above for a very good reason, and you who have seen the movie and stayed for that post-credits scene understand why.

OH but first, EVANGELINE LILLY IS GOING TO BE THE WASP I CANNOT EVEN. I am so excited for that. Next cosplay maybe...??? Hehehehe.

And now... THE SCENEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I have watched and rewatched it a bajillion times now and I'm still reeling... BUCKY IS HERE THEY FOUND HIM THEY FOUND DEAR BUCKY AND HIS ARM IS STUCK IN SOME WEIRD MACHINE AND HE LOOKS SO HELPLESS AND DESPONDENT JUST LIKE BEFORE HE WAS BRAINWASHED IN WINTER SOLDIER AND DOES HE MOUTH HELP OR IS IT JUST MY IMAGINATION AND STEVE AND FALCON ARE THERE AND THE SUPERHERO REGISTRATION ACT MUST HAVE BEEN PUT INTO EFFECT A WEEK AGO BECAUSE "ACCORDS" OR WHATEVER AND SAM KNOWS A GUY BUT HOW ON EARTH COULD ANT-MAN HELP ANYTHING AND AND AND I JUST NEED TO GIVE BUCKY A HUG BECAUSE LOOK AT HIM THE POOR DEAR AND HE'S BAAAACCCCKKKKK WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Needless to say, it will take me all 10 months until Civil War to get over this.