Beautimous

I have a problem.

No, actually had a problem.

Concerning... me.

It was a problem of looks. I didn't even know it was a problem, for a while. But eventually, over time, I began to realize it.

I refused to leave the house without my full makeup regime meticulously applied to my face.

I didn't/don't wear many products. Just eyeliner, mascara, concealer, and light lip stick. But even though they are few, I came to rely on those items alot. Too much, as I came to realize.

My makeup didn't become a "protective wall," as I've heard many girls say. No, for me it was rather a secret weapon I used with the wrong mindset and motives.

I was using it to get every one to like me. To want to be me. To admire me. Isn't that awful?

Of course, I hadn't ever spelled out these reasons in so many words. But, subconsciously, I believe those reasons were there.

Then, one day, after I had fully realized my own weakness, I decided to beat it. With God's help.

The first step was surprisingly simple... I went to French class without the eyeliner.

And ya know what? It felt good. Light. Fresh. Simple.

The thing is... when I got there, I was treated exactly the same as when I wore my full regime. And I remember feeling actual surprise at this. Is that messed up, or what?

By the way... this doesn't mean I'm going to stop wearing makeup. In our culture, it's kind of become a part of looking put together. And I enjoy wearing it. And, of course, I like to look my best. (Who doesn't?)

What I am going to do, however, is not wear it all the time.

Like, when I go horse back riding, no way do I need to be wearing a face full of makeup. (Dirt, sweat, and horse hair end up ruining it anyway! ;) Or, when I have to grab some eggs at Walmart. Or if I'm just hanging with mah besties.

And now that I have a healthy mindset about wearing it, I can feel better about wearing it - and not wearing it.

All the above is why have presented to you, my friends, followers, and the whole world (heh), the picture above. Me without makeup. Not a speck. (And no photoshop either. ;))

Just... me.

I'm not trying to get compliments. I'm just proving to myself that I have the confidence, self esteem, and self respect to be cool with people seeing me sans makeup.

Because, in God's eyes, I'm beautiful no matter what I look like. :)